Saturday, December 20, 2008

Maths Digest in Grade 3

Bruce won a Maths Digest competition while in grade 3. He used Turbo Pascal to solve the problem.

Over 100%

When Bruce chose to drop Physics after first year, the department went all out to try get him back. That's because he was getting over 100%!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Bruce Merry is bright

Why is Bruce Merry similar to the Sun? If you stare at either of them for long enough you'll go blind.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Bruce vs. NASA

Bruce is able to launch a space shuttle using only a Nokia 6110, a pencil and an old envelope

Monday, September 15, 2008

Bruce's Code

Julian: "i like looking at bruces code and seeing what other problems it might be able to solve: global warming, poverty, travelling salesman..."

Plagiarism Declaration

Bruce never has to submit a plagiarism declaration, everything he says is original.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Bruce on Wikipedia

Bruce is so awesome that Wikipedia had to add two columns to their "top IOI performers" table just to fit him in.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


God came about when Bruce wrote a gcd routine, but he was typing so fast that the keyboard sent o instead of c.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Proof of God's Existance

(1) Bruce Merry is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

Inspired from Hundreds of Proofs of God's Existence

Thursday, July 3, 2008


[Follow-on from Ben's Failure]

Bruce Merry can make Ben believe he doesn't exist.


During the ICFP, Bruce doesn't sleep...he does TopCoder instead.

Ben's Failure

Bruce Merry knows the optimal characters required to make Ben see why his solution is a failure, every time. They are (without the quotes):

"It won't work"

Friday, June 27, 2008

Competition Judges

Competition judges started hiding themselves in their own room after realising that Bruce was able to determine the solutions to the problems from analysing their facial expressions. They aim to one day produce a cryptographic scheme that allows them to set problems without any single one of them ever knowing a full problem.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Wifi hotspot

Bruce Merry gets a tingling feeling in his left index finger when ever he enters a WiFi hotpot.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Google Code Jam

Google is stupid for offering large cash prizes for a programming contest in which their employees cannot enter. Bruce will never work for them as a result, since he would lose his "easy money".

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Bruce Merry has a room-temperature IQ... measured in degrees Kelvin.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

P = NP

Theorem 42:

The P = NP problem is unsolvable. The unsolvability property is unprovable.

  1. Bruce knows everything
  2. Bruce has not proved P = NP
  3. Therefore P = NP is unsolvable
  4. But Bruce has not proved this
  5. Therefore this is unprovable

Monday, May 26, 2008


In a secret location, a team of first-rate computer scientists and genetic engineers gathered to design...


But Bruce is already equal to LONG_LONG_MAX.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

After the IPSC

Bruce is going to kill at least 24 people tonight.. this is not because his team of 3 came 9th and he is jealous, but rather because he has to cull the cheaters.

Monday, May 12, 2008


Bruce Merry can solve any problem faster in his head than any program can, for all problems.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


Bruce Merry eats soup with a fork.

Monday, May 5, 2008


Bruce Merry knows the middle digit of pi.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

50% Constraints

The reason Bruce can so easily code solutions is because he never needs to waste time reading the 50% constraints, or even the constraints... he just Bruce-forces the solution. Everytime.

Friday, May 2, 2008


Bruce never really wrote SMS. He just installed a few of his brain cells on olympiad. Upon leaving he added some to houdini and eisenheim. Unfortunately this has put the SACO in more debt than the entire US!

PS: SMS is the evaluation system and houdini and eisenheim are our new markers.


Bruce borrowed Carl's keyboard one day and by mistake hit the "Delete" key.. This was known as September 11th.

Bruce's Keyboard part #2

When Bruce uses another person's keyboard, the control key disappears. This is because Bruce is always in control.

Monday, April 28, 2008

When Bruce says...

When Marco says "tricky", he means "this is an interesting problem".

When Bruce says "tricky", he means you might win the Clay prize if you find a solution.

The Halting Problem

We present a simple disproof of Turing's Halting Conjecture:

Program P halts on input Q iff Bruce wants it to halt.

Bruce's decision is made by Bruce's brain, which is a physical entity, and so can be simulated by a computer.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Around the campfire..

Cowboy 1 says "the other day, a 50 foot rattlesnake struck at me from behind a rock continually trying to bite my neck, I was wrestling with it for a good few minutes, but eventually I overcame it and snapped it in half".

Cowboy 2 says "thats nothing. Yesterday afternoon a huge grizzly bear charged me in the woods. It knocked me down between two rocks and started swipping at my face. I blocked the strikes just in time, rolled the bear over and snapped its neck".

Bruce Merry said nothing, but just sat there, stroking the coals with his penis..

Thus ends the reading.

Saturday, April 26, 2008


Bruce Merry wrote a debugger to prove that he can, he doesn't need one though because everything he writes works and compiles the first time round.


On the seventh day, God said to Bruce: "You take it from here."

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Bruce's Keyboard

Bruce does not have a standard QWERTY keyboard. He just has 2 buttons, "BRUCE" and "MERRY" and codes everything in binary using these.

Travelling Salesman

Bruce Merry can solve the Travelling Salesman problem in constant time.